The+Advantages+of+Being+Bilingual+-+Peer+Review


 * Essay 1**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic?

Explain your answer briefly: Yes. The topic is: the advantages of speaking a second language and one of the objectives of the introduction is to present the topic. Thus it did a good job.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement?

Write it here: In a world where technology and internet have destroyed the boundaries of communication, being bilingual has become a must, because it keeps us updated to this new Era where everything changes very fast.

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic? Yes, It is.

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement? The second paragraph talks about a personal experience in work. Although it descibes the advantages of speaking a second language, the thesis statement doesn't talk about job opportunities, but the advantages of being updated in the world. It seems to me a bit vague. Anyway, I think each of the paragraphs presents one idea to support the advantages of being bilingual.

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs? Yes, I think so.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence? Yes. the second paragraph talks about job opportunities, the third about social opportunities and the fourth about the advantages of being bilingual to develop knowledge in other fields. Everything are positive aspects of being bilingual.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? I would suggest the use of more connectors, but even if the writer didn't use so many transition words, she/he did a good job.

4) Is the conclusion effective? Why? I would suggest another conclusion not talking about powerful because it seems to me less clear.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here: campaing; feelinfg; specially

Very effective feedback. Congratulations! All the comments are very pertinent and the writer took them all into consideration in the third draft.


 * Essay 2**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic? - Yes, it does.

Explain your answer briefly: The author explains what the essay is about. However, there are only two sentences in the introduction.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement? Yes, I can.

Write it here: "Learning a foreign language can enlarge the knowledge pool of many students, professors and specialist around the world in their respective areas, and also open doors to better job opportunities."

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic? Yes, it is. The author gives his/her opinion and gives reasons for it.

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement? They do, but the author also mentions a third reason that was not in the Thesis statement. Also, there are only two sentences in the first body paragraph.

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs? The first two body paragraphs are ok, but the topic sentence in the third one is a fragment.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence? Yes, there are. But, again, the author mentions a third reason that wasn't in the thesis statement.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? I would suggest adding more connectors. The author could've used moreover, therefore, however, nontheless, nevertheless...

4) Is the conclusion effective? Why? Yes, it is. The conclusion restates the idea in the introduction. However, the author adds the reason that was missing in the thesis statement. I would've used the conclusion as the introduction and vice-versa.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here: "...areas, and also open doors to better job opportunities."; "...there are new standards be followed..."; "This is a tool that provides access knowledge, ..."

Great feedback! Very thorough. You mentioned everything I had in mind in relation to the supporting ideas, especially. Congratulations!


 * Essay 3**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic?
 * → **Yes, I do.

Explain your answer briefly:
 * → ** Well, a question regarding the topic was asked right away, followed by some general information to keep the reader hungry for the answers.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement?
 * → ** Yes, I can.

Write it here:
 * → **// "Today, having command of this language // [English] //allows those from different cultural backgrounds to outreach and interact in ways that can help them in their hobbies, studies and jobs, regardless of where they are originally from."//

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic?
 * → ** The writer does acknowledge the importance of being bilingual.

3) Regarding the body: Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement?
 * → ** Yes, they mostly do. I wish the second paragraph (the one about hobbies) was a little more consistent.

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs?
 * → ** Yes, definitely.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence?
 * → ** I believe so.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? There aren't transition words per se, but the writer used other sorts of cohesive devices, such as a lot of subordination. It flows nicely in this case. 4) Is the conclusion effective? Why?
 * → ** I have to say, there is no such thing as connectors in this composition.
 * → ** I cannot see why it would not be. It emphasizes the importance of being bilingual by citing how it may affect one's life and implies the writer's opinion on the subject as well.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here: It's already a great text, which made the revision easy. I agree about the hobbies issue, but it's because the word "hobbies" wasn't the best choice for the thesis statement, for the first paragraph in the body talks about acquiring knowledge in general, hobbies being one of the examples.
 * → ** There are some typos (such as //"mostarticles"// [most articles] and //"quote"// [quite]) and non-existent/misplaced commas (for instance, in the very last sentence, the following is written: //"...your work and your studies and facilitates..."//), but I could not find one big, major mistake. If there is one, I would cite the //"...the modern world..."// bit in the first sentence since the use of the word "the" did bug me.


 * Essay 4**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic? Yes, I do.

Explain your answer briefly: The author introduces the topic in an easy way. It doesn't have any questions as a hook, but the word WHOLE when it says: 'Being bilingual can make a **whole** difference', caught my attention.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement? Yes, I can. Write it here: "Being bilingual can make a whole difference in your life, whether it's for professional, academic, or personal reasons."

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic? Yes. The author is clear that it's a positive thing.

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement? Yes. The author develops only one idea per paragraph.

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs? Yes. The first one supports professional purposes, the second one supports academic reasons, and the third one supports personal reasons.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence? The first two paragraphs (of the body, which would be paragraphs 2 and 3) have 2 reasons and the last one (not the conclusion) has only one, however ,there are different explanations, so it didn't feel like having lack of information.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? I'd say that's one of the first things I observed when I read it. Even though the text was really well written, I missed the use of some connectors. Every time I finished a paragraph I didn't have the 'curiosity' of reading the next one.

I must say I disagree here. There are many many connectors in the text. I guess what you missed were the traditional transition words introducing each paragraph, but if you look closely, you will see that the author used other types of cohesive devices

4) Is the conclusion effective? Why? It was. Because it brought up all the subject developed wrapping it up. The author didn't add any new information, he/she only made a summary of the essay.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here: I didn't find any.

Apart from the connectors part, the review is very well done. It's indeed a great essay and you were able to identify this and explain why.


 * Essay 5**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic? Yes, it does.

Explain your answer briefly: It is straightforward, direct to the point, clear.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement? Yes, I can, but in a certain way, because the writer gives only two examples of advantages of being bilingual.

Write it here: // "Among some advantages of being bilingual in today’s society two, in my point of view, seem to be the most interesting: the first one is to facilitate the communication between people from different cultures and the second one is to develop knowledge in other fields." //

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic? The author explicited what he would talk about, but when he gave his opinion, he did not complete his thought. I think he should have continued his sentence with a "because".

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement? Not really. See next comment.

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs? No. Some paragraphs seem to be loose in the text. The writer should have arranged paragraphs 2, 3, 4 and 5 in a different way. Paragraph 3, for instance, is composed of a single sentence. Thus, it is not easy to identify exactly where the topic sentence should go.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence? No, the writer provided two.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? I guess the writer made good use of them. His text was coherent and cohesive. I would maybe improve the connection between paragraphs 4 and 5.

4) Is the conclusion effective? Why? Not really, because the way the author wrote his concluding paragraph, he seems to be presenting a new idea, while he should restate what he had written in the introductory paragraph. Furthermore, it is made up of a single sentence. I would improve that, especially to avoid ambiguity.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here: line 15 - could (wrong usage) line 19 - felt like having (wrong usage in the context)  lines 22/23 - "There are many subjects that we can find a larger amount of information in their original tongues." (structure)

Excellent feedback. I would have said the same thing.


 * Essay 6**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic? Yes, it does.

Explain your answer briefly: The author sets the scene with a hook that is a bit vague ("How many times have you been advised to do something in order to achieve a goal or objective of yours?"), but then procedes to effectively give the reader a snapshot of the advice he is going to offer.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement?

Write it here:

"No matter what your dream or objective is, being bilingual will help you get there faster and more easily."

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic? Although it is rather broad and vague, the controlling idea is that a second language will skyrocket anyone's professional life.

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement? Yes, they do. (even though the thesis statement isn't specific enough).

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs? Yes, there is.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence? Hmmm... no. There are some reasons, but not in the three-reasons-to-each-topic-sentence ratio.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? The author used connectors at the beginning of each paragraph but not in their body, so maybe yes, they could have used different connectors or have more sentence variety.

4) Is the conclusion effective? Why? Although it might be "too short", the conclusion is straightforward and sweet. It echoes the central idea in the essay, so it's quite effective indeed.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here: a. Capitalization ("..others, but here is one piece of advice that you’ll definitely need: **L**earn a

second language.") b. Collocation ("If your objective is **professional realization**,...")  c. Missing word ("If you like using the internet for that **[purpose]**,..")

I can see you dedicated time and effort to this feedback task and were very thorough. I particulary like your comment about sentence variety.


 * Essay 7**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic? In parts.

Explain your answer briefly: I believe the writer used general ideas to introduce the topic, but he /she didn't include a strong opinion or position about the topic. It seems a bit superficional.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement? yes, but it doesn't seem to be strong enough:

Write it here: "Being a bilingual in today’s society has some advantages such as to facilitate the communication with people from different cultures, to access more opportunities of work and to develop other areas of acknowledgement".

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic? I didn't feel a strong or effective opinion in this conclusion.

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement? yes, it does

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs? The topic sentence in paragraph 1 is confusing; the idea is too long. The topic sentence in paragraph 3 repeats the first and second paragraphs

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence? No. Paragraph 1 has only one example. Paragraphs 2 and 3 has two expamples/explanations each.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? The number of connectors is balanced. I would only suggest avoiding the repetition of the connector "So" in paragraph 2 and three for another one, such as "for that reason " 4) Is the conclusion effective? Why? I consider the conclusion to be the best part of this essay. It reinforces the thesis statement in the introduction and it also suggests the reader to give it a try in learning a new language.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here:
 * subject - verb agreement: "So the labor market data show that who "
 * Word order: " you will handle easily this situation speaking English."

I think you were a bit too demanding about the strength of the thesis statement but respect your point of view. Other than that, I agree with your feedback. It was nice that you pointed out what you considered to be the best part of the essay. Great job!


 * Essay 8**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic?

Explain your answer briefly: Yes, the introduction lists very briefly the points that the author is going to make in the body of the text. However, I felt the opening statement wasn't very strong, so I'd like to change it to "Compared to the last couple of decades, the world //**is**/////**has become**// more connected". A few decades ago, there were fewer (if any) cell phones, faxes, computers, and there was barely any internet, so you can state for a fact that the world was not as connected as it is now.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement?

Write it here: "Being bilingual is, for today's society, vital for social and professional reasons".

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic? Although the author explains well why being bilingual is important for professional reasons, the text does not provide a lot of information on why it is important for social reasons.

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement? At first, I thought they were too similar, but after a second reading, I noticed the author used them to deal specifically with the importance of being bilingual: 1) before getting a job, improving the odds of your being hired; 2) after getting a job, increasing your chances of profit on it; and 3)after getting a job, the opportunity to travel abroad. However, paragraph 4 also goes into the social importance of being bilingual, and I believed this could have been used in a different paragraph.

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs? Yes.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence? Yes, for paragraphs 2 and 3, but paragraph 4 went into a different subject.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? Yes, there is good and effective use of connectors.

4) Is the conclusion effective? Why? Yes, because it restates the introduction, and summarizes the text. It may be too short, though, since it consists of only one sentence.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here: Word form: "... but also professionally, making //**distinct**// those who..." Punctuation: "one to France**,** for example."  Idiom/Collocation: "up the sleeve", "at the end of the day".  Very thorough feedback. I agree about the "social" paragraph and it was good that you noticed it. Nice job!


 * Essay 9**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic? Yes, it does.

Explain your answer briefly: The introduction is like it should be. It gives background information, presents the topic with a good hook and the thesis statement is clear. However, I would present only 3 advantages and not 6, as the writer did. Because I think some of them are related to others, for example, use a computer and access social networks are related to each other, so it should be just one point.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement? Yes, I can.

Write it here: " I  strongly believe that being able to speak more than one language, English, for instance, while the lingua franca, can bring numerous benefits to the speaker once our world has become a place where people use mostly a common language to communicate. "

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic? Yes, it is. The writer mentioned some advantages of being bilingual in today's society, so the reader has expectation to read about each one of them along the essay.

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement? No. There is no sequency on the development of each advantage presented on the introduction. The writer mixed them up along the body of the essay.

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs? No, only on the first and on the third paragraph. The second one is confusing.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence? No, there are not.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? I would suggest adding more connectors at the end of the second paragraph. It seems that is missing more information there to link the ideas and to close the paragraph.

4) Is the conclusion effective? Why? In part. The writer lets the reader confused when he/she says that being biligual is "certainly a perk in one's resume and working environment, however, **it is not a garantee of success by itself**". So this argument is the opposite to what was said in the introduction and also in the first paragraph, where it was written that proper communication leds to success on professional and personal human relations. Anyway, I think the conclusion would be effective, omiting just this part.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here: I am not sure if the subjuntive of the verb to be is correct at the first and sencond line, in paragraph 2. Still at line seven of the second paragraph, I think there is a sentence must be rewrited ("However, **those would be of no use** if there were not enough... to work.").

Good feedback in general, especially about the controlling idea in the thesis statement. I also think that the "no guarantee of success" confuses the reader and might be deleted.


 * Essay 10**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic?

Explain your answer briefly: Yes. There is a hook in the form of questions before the thesis statement.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement?

Write it here: However, it is known that a second or even a third language bring a series of professional benefits such as job promotions, opportunities to work abroad and status among co-workers and your employers.

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic?

It contains the writer's main idea, and his or her opinion is stated as a fact to convince the readers.

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement?

Yes.

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs?

Yes.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence?

No, there are only two in two paragraphs.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors?

There are many connectors. I think the second paragraph, first after the introduction, could easily lose one.

4) Is the conclusion effective? Why?

No. The first sentence in the conclusion is confusing. The second sentence is okay.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here:

"or even a third language bring", "importation and exportations", "additionally with" Thorough feedback. Great job!


 * Essay 11**

1) Do you think the introduction does a good job introducing the topic?

Explain your answer briefly: Yes, it is a good introduction, but it could be more specific. The author could have build a shorter paragraph, choosing sentences that lead straight to the thesis.

2) Can you identify the thesis statement?

Write it here: " As globalization and mobility and communications are bringing the world ever closer together, ever more urgent is the need for global citizens to be competent in other languages. "

Is it effective in that it contains a controlling idea that expresses the writer's attitude or opinion about the topic? It does express the author's idea, but the thesis is too broad though.

3) Regarding the body:

Does each of the paragraphs in the body present one single idea to support the thesis statement? The paragraphs are related to the thesis, but the ideas used to support the thesis are broad.

Is there a clear topic sentence in each of the supporting paragraphs? Yes, there is.

Are there at least three reasons, examples, or different explanations to support the topic sentence? Yes, there are reasons, examples and explanations to explain each topic.

Is the use of connectors effective or would you suggest adding more connectors? The use of connectors is effective. In the second paragraph though, I believe the use of the connector was not well applied.

4) Is the conclusion effective? Why? It was effective because the conclusion gathered all the topics used to support the author's point of view, making a good ending to the essay.

5) If you found any grammar errors, write three of them here:

"keeping their brain fitter for longer and developing your full potential "

Good job with the review. It is indeed too general in some aspects.